so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
