4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
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