Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
