I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
