You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
