I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
