They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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