Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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