quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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