It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
