So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
