Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
