dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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