I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
