i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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