okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
