she told me i tasted like america
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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