Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
