tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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