i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
