My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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