Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
