Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
