My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
