I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
