btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
