I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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