Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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