Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
They have beer where we have blood.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
