apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
