dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
