Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
organizing the empties. That sober.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
