I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
