Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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