i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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