the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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