I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
