It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
