i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
