Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
