I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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