I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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