Having a random hookup so left but love u
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
