I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
