I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize