dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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