my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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