During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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