somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
