Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
this is an emotional support booty call
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
