somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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