I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
