I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
