i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I need moral support for this bender
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
