Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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