I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
