apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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