Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
