All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
