Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
