I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You need a sexual gate keeper
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
