my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
