I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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