you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
