so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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