I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
