My hand turned me down
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
