and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
