My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
