I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
