Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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