Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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