i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
