did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
