New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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