He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
