She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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