I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
