I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
