Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
