i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
