Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
