I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
