I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
